How to set rules at home through respectful parenting

In recent times, parenting methods have changed, and within all this revolution , respectful parenting stands out .

This parenting style is not based on letting children grow without limits or rules, but on accompanying them with respect , love and empathy .

In this type of upbringing, there are clear limits on the part of the caregivers, who establish them from the premise of preserving both the integrity of the child and that of others, in all areas.

Thus, the basis of this parenting style is, as its name indicates: respect. This means that the way of educating children is based on values .

And it does not refer only to respecting the wishes of the child, but also to teaching them to learn to respect others in order to have a calm, serene and happy coexistence . But, how can we establish rules at home from this type of parenting? We are going to give some guidelines to achieve it.

Setting rules at home

The establishment of norms can be a matter of concern for parents, especially for those who are just starting out in the world of respectful parenting .

If this is your case, don’t worry, with these tips it will be much simpler:

You learn best by example

When raising our children, the most important thing that we must never forget is that they learn from what they see . Thus, our behavior must always be consistent with what we want to transmit and develop.

If we want our child to meet certain standards, it is essential that we also meet them . For example, if we want the family to eat together at the table, mom or dad can’t sit elsewhere or eat later.

Our children learn from what they see , not from what we tell them.

“The best kind of father you can be is to lead by example.”

-Drew Barrymore-

Coherence above all

Consistency is essential when implementing rules for our little ones. We cannot say one thing and do another. Nor should we establish rules for later, skip them later or change them and ignore them at will. Check out more interesting articles on our parenting site.

Two of the most complex things for parents are (in many cases), constancy and consistency, and this is something that we must be attentive to . The rules that are established at home must be followed at all times; That does not mean that we cannot be flexible in some cases (rigidity is not an ally of respectful parenting either).

And if we are flexible, it is important that we make it clear to children that it is an exception to the rules .

take nothing for granted

As adults, we often forget that children do not know the same as us. That is a fairly common mistake, and if it has happened to you, you do not have to be ashamed or feel guilty about it.

It is easy to forget that children may not have information about what behaviors are acceptable and what is not. For example: throwing juice on the floor on purpose is not the most appropriate, but the child may not know it.

So, before thinking of scolding him for that, it is essential to explain to them why things happen, and what things we expect from them and what we do not.

Less is more

On the other hand, when setting rules and limits, keep in mind that less is more.

But what do we mean by this? We are talking about speaking clearly and simply , without so many long explanations that can confuse. Therefore, use clear and simple language , as well as short sentences to set limits and rules.

Also, you can apply this principle to the number of rules you establish at home. For example, instead of putting 20 different rules, try to simplify them and reduce their number .

You will see that the clearer you are about what you expect from your child, the easier it will be for him to meet those standards.

point out the rules

As we can see, it is important that we make clear what these rules that we are proposing are. A good idea when it comes to transmitting them to the children is to write them down on a card where everyone can see them (and, for example, hang the card on the fridge).

And in the case of younger children, we can do it through drawing . For example, make a weekly schedule with rules like brushing your teeth, combing your hair, making the bed … even they can help you do it!

Constancy is the key

Children, especially younger ones, it is difficult for them to learn and abide by the rules the first time you tell them, and it is totally normal.

Thus, at first it will be normal to have to repeat the rules several times so that they can remember, understand and apply them.

This can be a bit frustrating at times, but be patient ; remember that this too shall pass, and that sooner than you imagine your child will have consolidated these norms in his behavior.

The important thing is to persist in teaching them , always with the deepest respect .

“Having children does not make one a father, in the same way that having a piano does not make one a pianist.”

-Michael Levine-

Norms based on understanding and values

Respectful parenting is not based on a lack of rules . Like other parenting styles , rules and limits are present.

What changes is the way of approaching and teaching them, always with a lot of love, understanding and valuing the child’s emotions .

Gone is the imposition of rules from fear and manipulation to give way to a real understanding of them based on values , and above all, based on what our child is like, how to be unique in the world, taking into account what they need in every moment

“There are only two lasting legacies that we can leave for our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.”

-Hodding Carter-